Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize