mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
