you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
