Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
