New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
