alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So squirting runs in the family.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
