New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
