ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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