I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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