Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
as a side note pls kill me
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize