Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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