I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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