Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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