On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So squirting runs in the family.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
