i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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