What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
