my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
