So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
