All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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