I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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