I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
