She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
