i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
