The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize