Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
