You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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