need another drink. this is the easiest way
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize