After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
