Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Drake has all the answers
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