(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
