Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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