I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
