you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
