I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
