Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
