I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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