Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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