He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
