What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Even my vagina gasped.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
