My cat gives me a boner
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
