just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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