I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
