sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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