Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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