Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
