you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
