what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
