You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
