i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We need to get me chipped asap
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
