We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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