Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
