yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
