...so i touched it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
