if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
