I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
