oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
