I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
