for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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