Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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