i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
