I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
