Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
and she was petting her beer can
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
