he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I need to wash the frat house off of me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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