READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
