he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
