Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
