I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
