wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
