I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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