just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
