Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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